


Cherry Tree

by Raynidreams



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: F/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-10
Updated: 2012-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-30 21:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/336510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raynidreams/pseuds/Raynidreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kara and Lee pre series, trying to make sense out of death.  Prompted by Applecart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cherry Tree

Six months ago she had helped Zak bury a dog he'd run over with his car. A mere accident. Death coming from something so simple as a fraction of a second's worth of distraction. Of him talking to her and not paying attention to the road ahead. This leading to a startling thump and then blood all over the bonnet of the jeep.

In the backyard, Zak had been the one to start the digging she remembered now; but his hand, sprained when he'd panicked, swung the wheel hitting a bollard, had been aching too much to continue. So she had taken over. Dug, while he had held the dead animal in his arms. She recalled how while she'd worked, she'd heard him whisper softly that he could feel as the cold slowly left its limp body. How it didn't feel right burying it without a name - Carolanne having had no success in finding the owners after calling all her neighbours and knocking on doors while Kara dug the pit. They'd waited hours to inter the animal, and finally only committed it when Zak's mother had come back, shaking her head in a negative.

The sad little event had put a dampener on her one and only visit to Carolanne's house while Zak had been alive, a gathering already set to be a strained affair due to the differing and yet similar natures of the two women involved. Both strong willed and both damaged.

Carolanne, a woman who despised the military, resenting the chunk of her life, or love that it had stolen. Her fixed perception of her former husband's devotion to his career over his family had always been being a grievous, emotional wound. A wound only aggravated when her two sons had chosen to tread in his footsteps instead of making their own (Zak having told Kara this in private). The sleeping snake of bitterness within her had then been further antagonised, almost beyond containment when she'd learned that her baby son had fallen hook line and sinker for someone just as dedicated to the same cause: the same banner.

Kara knew all of this going into the meeting, and it filled her with dread, for it was the foundation of their future as a family - family not being something which she did. The concept having so many emotional hang ups for her. Parental scars and fears that were just about contained within her normally, exacerbated as the bloody car pulled up the drive in record speed.

Kara knew that the lunch date had been a bad idea in its conception, and the day of the visit dawned with a sinking feeling of dread that the shock of the animal's death had only added another layer of stress too. _Gods_ , it had felt almost like an omen.

'Stress' did not even begin to cover the atmosphere of how she felt about this visit now. She hadn't intended on coming to the wake at Carolanne's, but Lee had dragged her back with him post her running away from the graveside; Kara unable to witness the bitter words he'd fired at is father, knowing that she was the one who deserved to be his true target.

Even as pissed as he was at the Commander, he must have run after her straightaway, because he'd been close on her heels when he found her dry heaving at the side of some goddess's effigy (one whose eroded face had made it impossible to see who she'd been built in the image of, to venerate). Reaching down to Kara, prone at the feet of this faceless protector, Lee had stroked back her hair, then supported her until she was standing and nodding to say that she was back in control. And afterwards, he'd led her to his car.

It had been a silent journey here, neither of them really able to speak what was on their minds. Kara too consumed with guilt and grief to get words passed her dry lips, and Lee too angry. Kara had been able to read what he was thinking though – she'd gotten to know him pretty well in the months since their drunken dare, and his emotions and thoughts were now on the surface for her to read like the fresh, crisp pages of a novel.

In the backyard, Kara's mind came back to where she was - finding the present from the past as she stood in the garden once more, her eyes drawn like magnets over to the now indistinguishable spot where they had, back then, laid the dog to rest. Just Zak and her together - with Caroylanne watching on. Just like she and Lee had now laid Zak to rest with both their parents watching on. Burying what remained of his corpse. The picture of his seared and blackened body still imprinted into the back of her eyes like a tattoo made in blood. One that no matter how many times she blinked, the image wouldn't erase. Wouldn't be forgotten. It would stay with her forever. The mark of it.

The cold drink was pushed into her hand abruptly and she jumped as Carolanne slid to her side with a look. A look of accusation. The two women understanding one another now just as they had back then. For one look between them at the door had been enough to read and comprehend that they would try for Zak, but that they would never be close.

Now they needn't bother.

"I won't say this in Leyland's hearing because he cares for you and he is already hurting too much for me to add fuel to the fire, but this is your fault. You passed him. If Zak'd have been ready, he wouldn't have died. You killed him."

At this sudden and vindictive attack, Kara's hand gripped the glass tightly, so tight, part of her hoped it would break. Shatter. But it held up. Stayed together just like she would or had to appear to on the surface.

"You're right," she whispered back haltingly.

Carolanne shook her head with an acrimonious laugh. "And it doesn't mean a damned thing, just like always," she replied scornfully. Her eyes ran over the other mourners. Family, Zak's friends and colleagues. His brother. Then came back to Kara. "Finish your drink. Part with Lee and get the hell out of my house. I don't want to see you again," the older woman bade her, her gaze slightly unfocused through grief.

Kara paled at the command, then closed her eyes and nodded. When she opened them, Carolanne Adama was gone to be replaced with her son. Her living son.

"I can tell from her bitch face that she was giving you a hard time. What did she say?"

Kara drank her drink instead of replying.

"She's just angry, Kara. You'll have to forgive her if she's been abrupt. She's a good mother, but Zak was her baby. He always has been."

 _And always will be now -_ seemed to be the silent words that hung in the air.

Kara nodded again, thinking  _how can you forgive someone for stating the truth?_  "It seems to be going around," she came back eventually, with a pointed look at him.

"It's dad's fault."

"It's not your father's fault."

"You don't know anything about it."

"I know more than you think," she retorted harshly, then grasped his wrist - the whole of the rapid exchange passing between them within just a few breaths.

They caught one another's gaze and held it.

_Hi, I'm Kara, and you must be… yeah…_

_Yeah…_

(smiles and laughter).

Not now.

Lee brought his head closer.

"Look, let's not do this. Not here. Not now. We've never argued before. I don't want to make this the first time."

Instinctively, Kara's inclined towards his growing nearness. Each of their breaths fanning the others faces a moment, before they pulled away.

They stood side-by-side quietly for a while, watching other people come and go. Witnessing how sadness and reminiscent smiles sculpted the faces of the other mourners. A bark of laughter came from one woman in a cadet uniform, and Kara and Lee both turned , assuming that the young woman must have been recounting some daring, adolescent prank of Zak's to his friends. Lee, latching onto the laughter, turned to Kara trying a smile.

"Zak once got stuck up a cherry tree that used to stand in that spot over there." He pointed to patch of yard towards the far fence. "His shirt got hitched on a branch and he was up there for hours while I sat down here and laughed. Gods, I was such a bastard of an elder brother at times."

Kara didn't return the smile. Her gaze fixed to where he had pointed.

"Do you know, the last time I was here, it was after Zak'd hit a dog? It's buried right there," she muttered with a jut of her chin, pointing to the same spot. "Dead tree. Dead dog. It seems as if death and this yard go together."

"No, no. Come on. It shouldn't be like that. I always though gardens were about…"

"Look Lee, I have to go," she interrupted. "This here, this isn't me. This isn't the Zak I knew, or how I want to think about him. I need to go, now."

Lee stopped her with a hand to her arm and the open pain in his face.

"Kara, please. If you must go will you at least do something with me first? It's important."

Kara put her empty glass down and rubbed her hands together, fidgeting. "What is it?"

"I want you to plant a tree with me. Make life in death. Out of death."

Kara went to say no. She went to leave. But could do neither with him looking at her in so much need and with her guilt telling her to do this one last thing before she left him alone for good.

After an enigmatic look from Carolanne, it took only a few moments for him to gather the tools and the tree, and next to the dog's grave, they planted the large sapling, digging deep for the pale, fleshy roots to spread. While they worked, Kara's shoulder rubbed against Lee's. The friction winding down her spine in molten ribbons; twining in-between her bones. Making it feel like a charged current was jumping between them. And all the time while her lover, his brother, lay in the ground.

Kara fought back tears the whole time.

When it was done, they watered it carefully and then patted down the earth; their hands overlapping. The rough grains, grating in earthly contact.

In tandem, they stood. And up, he tipped the rest of the water over her hands. The crystal stream pooled in her palms, then drained away with the excess soil.

Clean, she finally stepped back and put a little distance between them. Then touched him on the shoulder before wordlessly indicating that it was time for her to go. In all honesty, she had wanted to talk more. To be with him. But in planting the tree, she'd known that if she did, she would say fully what she'd already half confessed to the angry accusations of his mother. Kara being the obvious target for Carolanne's loss - the woman who was already going to take her son away. A son, only a son until he marries; a stupid phrase that Kara had heard repeated verbatim on so many occasions now.

Carolanne's eyes found her across the yard.

Yes, they understood one another well.

Sometime later, outside the house, Kara's cab had pulled up. She paused before it, laying her hand on the hood, sensing that this was the last moment of the life that she could have had and needing to catch a breath against the destruction of that fantasy. Then she opened the door to get inside. Half in, warm hands caught her shoulders and spun her around into a hard embrace. Lee pushed her back against the car as he shoved his face into her neck, and held her. Warmly, carefully; caressing her back. Taking solace as much as giving it.

The frisson rose just as it had before, always would she guessed, but pain smothered the fire of it this time, keeping it to low burning embers only.

Drawing back, he placed his hands on her shoulders and said seriously, "Don't be a stranger, Kara. I…"

But whatever he was going to say, she stopped him with a palm to his mouth.

"Take care of yourself, Lee," she whispered in a rush.

And with that, she turned and got into the car before she could do anything else. Her body shaking with how much she wanted to go back to him.

* * *

"Coming," Kara shouted, irritation sharpening her words at the interruption which forced her to rise from the pit of paint and broken glass in which she lay.

At the top of the stairs, she opened the door to find him standing in the doorway. He looked older than before. Sadder and leaner, but with something determined in his eyes. In his one hand he held a twig of blossom and a note. With no forward explanation, he said "She said she's sorry. She said to say that she'd been angry. Was hitting out and that it was the most horrible thing she could've done to you. It's all in the note, but I'm going to tell you this myself should you try and ditch it before reading." He paused, his gaze locked into hers. Then he inhaled. "Don't feel that you need to forgive her. She only told me all this yesterday and I'm not sure I can. But, Frak… I wanted you to know that the tree's really beautiful. It's grown so much since the… anyway, she… I, want you to have a sprig of it and plant it where you'll see it grow."

Kara swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Did you tell her that I lived in an apartment with no green space whatsoever?"

"Yeah. That's why she wants you to plant it outside of mine which does."

Lee held out his free hand and waited for her to place hers on top.


End file.
